They Killed McCormick
by ThyAnarchists
Summary: Kenny dies frequently, yet almost nobody remembers. At the very least it means that his sister, Karen, doesn't remember his gruesome deaths. And she doesn't have the same curse so she should be fine right? At least, he thinks she doesn't until an accident occurs. South Park belongs to Trey Parker and Matt Stone. All rights are reserved for them.
1. Chapter 1

**(Kenny's Point of View)**

For the average person, you can only die once. I'm not an average person, at least in my eyes. I've died from gunshots, decapitation, even laughter, but no matter what happens, I wake up back in my bed like nothing happened. The worst part, it fucking hurts and nobody remembers, not even if they saw it happen. And it always the same phrase too, "Oh My God! They killed Kenny!" followed by a "You Bastards!" I hate that same routine.

I just came back after tree fell on me for the fifth time, or was it the fourth? I stopped paying attention to my death count after the fifty-something time. At first I thought my deaths were really detailed dreams until I died in a morning and noticed that I skipped a day. I think I have to be thankful that my little sister, Karen, doesn't remember any of my deaths. I don't think she would handle that idea.

I sat down on the dinner table and began eating a frozen waffle. Well, now that I'm back, what now? The guys are on that camping trip that I was oh so gracefully robbed of, and they won't be back until sunday. Knowing my curse, they probably remember me dying as me not wanting to go or something. I look up from my waffle to see Karen drawing what I recognize as Mysterion.

"Is that supposed to be that guardian angel that you've mentioned in the past?" I asked pretending to hardly know what her guardian angel looks.

Karen looked over to me and smiled, "Yes" she glanced over at her incomplete drawing, "Actually, I've been meaning to ask you. Have ever got to meet him?"

If she only knew, I was thinking of telling her at some point only to decide against because Mysterion is basically santa claus to her. Wait, that analogy doesn't work! Ah forget it! "...Yeah, He told me to try to spend with you."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. In that case, can we go play outside?"

"Sure, let me finish this waffle and I'll put on my shoes."

The waffle was cold by the way. I swear, we would be living in more suitable living conditions if our horrid excuse of parents didn't keep spending money on drugs and alcohol. I've tried working in odd jobs, or taking on Cartman's stupid bets, so I can help provide better supplies and the occasional luxury item, but that's as much as I can work with. If I finish school, I'm going to aim for a job that pays a reasonable amount to provide at least food on the table. A high paying job is unlikely though.

**(Karen's Point of View)**

Kenny and I left the house and walked over to the basketball court. I haven't gotten to thank guardian angel for asking Kenny to spend more time with me. For a while, Kenny seemed to be missing alot more before I told guardian angel about it. Kenny started to take some of his free time after that but I haven't seen guardian angel in a while. Speaking of Kenny, this is something that I've noticed, but there are times where he'd wake up with a bad mood. Like this morning for example, he seemed to be muttering about a "stupid tree" ruining his camping trip. That could be me mishearing it though, he hardly takes off that hood and it makes his voice barely hearable. But I do recall kenny packing packing up for that trip only to be a bit surprised when he ate at home this morning. I'm pretty sure that he didn't come home early.

We arrived at the court to see Kevin already playing a game with his friends. Kevin dribbled the ball around before tossing it over the hoop. The ball bounced off and rolled to the empty street.

"I'll get it!" I yelled with glee.

I ran to the edge of the crosswalk, checked both ways, and walked to the ball to pick it up. With the ball in my hands, I stood up and heard Kenny and Kevin yelling to move before I turned to my right to see a truck charging at me. I couldn't move my legs, it felt like someone glued my feet to the ground. I felt a harsh shove coming from the right pushing me away from the upcoming danger. It was there where I saw Kenny, with his arms extended and his hood flying off from his head. He face looked ill and his eyes seem smaller. The truck collided with his body as the back of my head hit the curb.

I felt my neck snap and my breathing started to slow down. Kevin ran up to me and held the back of my head.

"Karen, don't move! Hopefully somebody called an ambulance by now." Kevin looked around only to curse under his breath. "Someone call for help! My sister's dying here!"

What about Kenny? No, please tell me he's still alive… I turned my eyes to Kenny and found his body covered in blood as a group of rats started chewing on his body. My vision started to blur until everything turned black.

I-I'm in my bed? Was that a nightmare? I got up from my bed and ran to Kenny's room. I opened the door and there he was, getting up from bed, still alive. I ran up to Kenny and hugged him while sobbing into his parka.

"Karen, why are you crying?" Kenny muffed before looking over at his door, "Kevin, what happened? Did mom and dad get in a fight this early?"

Kevin spoke up, "No, she just woke up with tears in her eyes and ran to your room..." his voice sounded just as confused as Kenny meaning that it was a nightmare.

I looked up at Kenny to greet his confused face, "I had a nightmare where we got run over by a truck... It felt so real..." I broke down in tears and held tighter onto Kenny.

I finally settled down after a while and mom called us down for breakfast. I told mom about my nightmare and she told me that there is nothing to be afraid of. I couldn't help but notice Kenny's expression as he ate his frozen waffle. After breakfast, I opened the box where I keep my drawings and saw something that should be there. It was the half-finished drawing of my guardian angel that appeared in the nightmare. I don't think that nightmare was a dream. I think me and Kenny actually died there.


	2. Chapter 2

**(Kenny's point of view)**

Karen was the last person that I wanted to know about my deaths. Yes, even more than Cartman. Her description of her nightmare is eerily similar to how I died yesterday with one small difference. She died after I pushed her out of the way. But she's sitting right there getting ready to draw! She couldn't have died!

I tore my eyes away from her when I heard a knock on the door. I walked over and answered the door to find Damien standing there with an elephant plushie under his arm.

"Oh hi Damien, why are you here with that thing?"

The guy didn't even answer my question, he just shoved the plush at me and left.

I entered my room and stared at the plush. What the hell am I supposed to do with this? My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone knocking on my door.

"Come in!"

"Well Kenny-" Kevin spoke as he entered the room "-I think it's time we talk about the elephant in the roo-" He the stared at the plush sitting on my bed, "Ok, I didn't mean literally! Where did you get that anyways?"

"Damien gave it to me this morning for some reason. So what do you need to talk to me about?"

Kevin stared into the hallway before closing the door and sitting down on a chair.

"Ok, this is about Karen… I think she's a zombie or something…" Really? My first thought was immortality but ok…Wait, holy shit! hold on!

"Hold on, how do you remember her dying?"

"I'm pretty sure the death of a sibling, or anyone for that matter, would be something that would be burnt into their skull."

"Text your friends and see if they remember..."

Kevin pulled out a cell phone that he bought for $10 and texted his friends. Judging by his reaction, the answers were no.

"Oh, great! Once again, I'm the only one who can remember their own sibling's death!"

"Wait-wait-wait, time out, time out! You can remember my deaths?"

"...Yeah?"

"Why haven't you told me!"

"I-I assumed that you didn't remember..."

"Of course I would remember! It fucking hurts! I even became best buds with the prince of darkness himself!"

"Wait!, when did you meet the devil!"

"It's a long story, he's actually a pretty chill dude." and for some bizarre reason I went on a rather lengthy tangent about my friendship with Satan before Kevin interrupted.

"Alright! I get it! Can we continue talking about Karen's situation?"

"Sure, but before we do. Why are you the only one who can remember my deaths."

"I have no idea, I think it's out of sheer luck."

"Is that all?"

"Can we go back to the topic of Karen please!"

"Ok fine but, are we going to tell her about this?"

Kevin shrugged, "I'd say that we figure out how her curse works before telling" Kevin picked up the elephant plushie and noticed a piece of paper on the bottom. He grabbed the note and read it out loud.

"_Dear McCormick_

_I've found out something about your curse that you should know. I'll be waiting at the coordinates provided. And make sure you bring that plushie with you._

_-with hate and loathing, Damien_"

Kevin looked up from the note, "Who's Damien again?"

"He's Satan's son..."

"Why am I not surprised." He said shoving the note into his pocket, "are you going to meet with him?"

"I don't see why not..."

Kevin and I left the room only to notice that Karen was gone from her spot.

"Hey mom..."

"Yeah?" she said getting ready to leave.

"Where did Karen go?"

"Oh, she went to the Tucker's house while you two were hanging out for an hour."

Mom left the house, leaving the two of us standing there.

"For fuck's sake..."

**(Karen's Point of View)**

I looked in my closet and found the clothes that I was wearing yesterday. There were no blood stains on them and they seemed to be in fine condition. I've also noticed that instead of Saturday, today was Sunday, meaning that a day has passed. I wanted to ask Kenny and Kevin about what happened yesterday but they were already engaging in a conversation in Kenny's room and I didn't want to interrupt them. I did get curious and pressed an ear against the door.

Unfortunately, I could hear them very well and I especially couldn't understand a word Kenny was saying thanks to the parka. It's a rarity to even see his face without the hood on. I've never even got to hear what his voice sounds like unmuffled. I just got used to it when I was 4.

Kenny would be the most helpful in this situation since I'm sure that he also would have died in that incident. If that was the case, has he died before and didn't tell me? Or is this a new thing for him too? Should I tell this to my Guardian Angel? Maybe he has something to say about this.

I put on some proper clothes and left our house to go see Tricia. Maybe it was a dream and I just slept through the rest of the day while working on my drawing. It was a long walk, but I arrived safely and rang the doorbell and I was greeted by her older brother.

"Oh, it you… where is your brother?"

"He's back at home..."

"Tricia's in the living room, make sure you tell your brother to give me back my Terrence and Philip action figures once you go back home."

I walked into the living room and sat down next to Tricia.

While we were playing with her dolls, I noticed that the ceiling fan with spiked bottom was hanging off.

"Is your ceiling fan broken?" I asked pointing at the fan in question.

Tricia looked up, "Yeah, it started to become loose but I don't think it'll fall."

"I hope not, I don't want my nightmare to become true."

Tricia raised her eyebrow at me, "What nightmare?"

"I had a nightmare last night where me and Kenny got run over by a truck."

"Eh, It's probably nothing. You want me to grab some snacks."

"Yes! Please!"

I heard the doorbell ring and the sound of footsteps before a door opens.

"Oh, hey Kenny… here to give me back my action figures?" I hear Kenny groan before giving Tricia's older brother the action figures. "Pleasure doing business with you..."

"_Yeah, uh… Karen's here right?_"

"Yeah, she's in the living room..."

"_Ok good, I'm going to go do some errands so make sure she stays safe._"

"Does those errands involve that plush."

"_Sadly, yes..._"

I heard some cracking coming somewhere and looked around. I looked up, remembering that the fan was broken, and saw the fan falling down on me. Seconds later I was pinned down onto the floor and I felt the spike stabbing down onto my chest as the rest of my bones were getting crushed. I turned my head to the door and saw Kenny drop the elephant doll from his hands as he stared with a horrified look in his eyes. My mind went blank and my vision darkened.

Why am I in bed again? Shouldn't I be in Heaven or Hell?

"Karen! It's time for you to go to school!"

But school's on Monday how could- oh no. I skipped a day didn't I? It happened with that one nightmare and then it happened again yesterday. I put on some proper clothes as I process this new revelation. I can't die...


	3. Chapter 3

**(Kenny's point of view)**

Fucking Craig… He had ONE JOB! And he fucked it up before I could leave! I couldn't even take Karen's unfortunate corpse back because a group of rats chewed up her body in seconds and left. Apparently this happens when I die based on a few times where rats tried chewing on me when it looks like I'm dead. So that tidbit better mean that Karen's coming back or I'm filing a complaint to death itself! As much as I want to kill myself to get the day over with and see if Karen does has the curse. I still have to meet up with Damien. Karen, I'm so sorry about this. I hope I can make it up to you.

I followed the coordinates and found Damien sitting on a park bench with another elephant plush.

"So Damien, what information do you have on my curse?"

Damien hands me another piece of paper and spoke for once, "Follow the directions listed on the paper and we'll talk."

Damien walked away as I read the paper.

"_If you go north from where you're standing, you'll hopefully find a random building with the numbers '13337.' Once you do, knock on the door and show them the plushie. They should let you in after that._"

This is gonna be one of those things is it? Ok then, I'll just go north and uh…wait... which direction is north again? FUCKING DAMN IT!

I think I spent an hour or two looking for the damn thing, but I finally found it! The beautiful numbers '13337!' I have no idea what that means but it doesn't matter! My quest is at its end!

I knocked on the door and a man peeked out. I showed him the plush and he let me in without much thought. He guided me to the basement which was…something to say the least. There were several tables along with a couple of books. One of the tables was completely empty with the sole exception of -the oh so familiar- Damien.

"What took you so long?" he asked.

"I got lost…"

"How!? I told you to go north and nothing else!"

"I forgot which way was north…"

"But you could read vague coordinates just fine!?"

"Yes..."

"...If you weren't father's best bud, I'd kill you right now…"

"So what is this place?"

"This is 'The Elephant's Conspiracy Society,' a place where conspiracy theorists gather around to tell each other conspiracy theories."

"What do elephants have to do with conspiracies?"

"I don't know, I just know that they're wrong most of the time."

"Then why are we here?!"

"Because-" Damien pulled out a book, "-they have the most accurate source on the effect in curses."

"Why?"

"Because my old man loan it to one of the members a long time ago and never got it back."

"Has he tried asking if he can get it back?"

"No, which is why we're gonna take it back for him."

One of the members spoke up, "You can take it back."

"A-Are you serious?"

"Yeah, we don't need it anymore."

"Fucking idiots…" Damien muttered as we walked out unharmed.

"I was at least expecting some sort of escape and chase..."

"I know! This book contains some of the most accurate information on curses! This should have been at least somewhat important! In fact I'll show them exactly what they fucking missed!" Damien turned to the building, flipped open a page, and pointed his finger forward, "_ad infernum apud vos!_"

The building turned black, vaporized, and exploded before the remains sank down onto a fiery portal. I stared at the empty space left over in shock, and I wanna say that Damien was smiling but I'm not sure.

"Alright, I'm satisfied. Let's take a trip down to hell shall we?" Damien turned to another page in his book. "_ut nos ad infernum_"

A circle started to surround us before engulfing us down to our destination.

We arrived at hell after a couple of seconds to ourselves in a house.

"I swear, the Latin in this book can be awful sometimes." Damien said with an unenthused face.

"What makes you say that?"

"Some of these spells are either misspelled or have improper grammar."

"So it's a spell-book?"

"Yes, but it also has information on hexes and curses, including immortality."

"Can you get rid of mine?"

"I'll check… just guide me to my dad's place while I do that."

Damien flipped through the pages for a while as we walk to the mansion. "The answer to that is no. in fact there are no spells for immortality period."

"Dammit!"

"But there is a spell that drops a satellite on somebody."

'Damien no..."

We arrived at the mansion as Damien unlocked the door and took me to the living room. We sat down on separate couches and Damien showed me the passage about immortality.

"It turns out that you have level 2 immortality. Meaning that you come back after death."

"What's level 1?" I asked

"You die and that's it."

"But that isn't immortality, that's just mortality!"

"Hey, I didn't write this book! I just found out it's existence!" I just accepted that this is gonna be confusing. "Reading more into this, you've mentioned that your curse comes from Cthulhu right?"

"Yeah, because my horrible excuse for parents attended their meeting in order to get free beer."

"It turns out that this method has some of the more baffling side effects. One of the more obvious examples is that the universe will do anything it can to kill you. This starts at an early age from ages 3-6. Once it starts the victim will get common deaths and will at one point go through death puberty."

Death puberty? That can't be real, "Please tell me you making that up?"

"You decide..." Damien flashed an unsettling smile for a split second before continuing, "Moving on, depending on how the victim dies, the time it takes for them to come back. Meaning that deaths like getting crushed or decapitation would only take a day, whereas deaths from sickness or *hphm* 'pleasure' would take much longer." dammit…

"So why can't anyone remember?" I asked longing for an answer.

"Let's see, after they come back, any witnesses will lose any memory of said death with a replacement memory that gives an explanation for any absences with a few exceptions. These include other immortals, the first one to see the victims first death, and a section that is unreadable BECAUSE SOME IDIOT WAS EATING CHEESY POOFS WHILE READING THIS PAGE!" Damien yelled showing me the damage.

"Are you serious?!"

"This is BULLSHIT! There is a stain on this particular section! No wonder why they were willing to give this back."

At least I now know why Kevin remembers my deaths. "Are there any parts you can salvage?"

"There is one part left, and uh, you might hate this."

"What is it?"

"Well, if the curse is inflected through an upcoming newborn. Any offspring born afterwards from the same mother will also inherit the curse. So in short, your sister's immortal."

"...what?"

"Yeah she immortal, I guess we'll have to document her deaths now."

No! I wanted Karen to live a normal life! She doesn't deserve to die on a regular basis! At the very least I know that she has it and will be back tomorrow. But at what cost? Well now I have to tell her.

Damien spoke up "And that's all the information I can give you. Now for something completely different."

"And what would that be?"

"We are in hell, soooo" He grew one of the most sadistic smiles I've ever seen, "That means you'll have to go through a torture session..."

"Wait-Wait-Wait, I thought I was exempt from this!?"

"You are… but you seem to be bad at directions so," Damien pulled out a piece of paper showing the four basic directions of a compass and slammed it on the table, "let's fix that shall we?"

Oh how I hate him...


End file.
